Haven
by lucedraper
Summary: Cersei's memories about a perfect future. (3x10) One Shot, Het, Incest, Pre-series, Cersei's POV


That shell. It would always mean everything to her. It meant the only day she had been no lady Cersei. It was the only day she hadn't had to worry about bloody secrets and about the dangerous court life. The only day almost nobody had watched over her because she hadn't needed protection: the only day she had been truly and completely free in her whole life. Just for one day. And nobody but Jaime could have given her a gift like that.

She was walking with her ladies-in-waiting and friends to the sewing room where their septa was waiting for them when suddenly he came and took her hand and said just: "Run!" She didn't think about it even for a second and did what he had said, because her body used to listen to Jaime's voice as it were Cersei's will. What she had for him was more faith than just trust: it was something essential and foregone in their lives. So she ran, not knowing where or why but she just did it and followed her brother. They passed through the kitchens and the yard where the lads were fighting, where Jaime was also supposed to be, but nobody seemed to mind them. They ran and ran from one part to the other of Casterly Rock until they reached the stable; there they sat on Jaime's wonderful white horse and rode out of the walls. Only then Jaime started to explain, even though Cersei was just smiling and not asking for any explanation. She was already so happy for what he had done for her.

"Father's gone to Harrenhal to discuss some freaking trouble in the kingdom and I, for the first time, am the Lannister in Casterly Rock, since uncle Kevan had to go urgently to Lannisport."

He was laughing very loudly while Cersei was tightening him with more and more gratefulness.

"So we are all alone and I have the power to decide what I'll do, for once. So do you."

They had already left the town beside them when Cersei decided to talk:

"You set me free so you'll decide everything today but just one condition: make it unforgettable, make it the day I'll always remember as the best of my life." J

aime spurred the horse and said:

"Ok, so do you fancy a swim?"

They arrived in a beach hidden by the high cliffs around. A wonderful place where they had already been as kids to learn how to swim with tens of court kids and hundreds of Lannister men-at-arms to assure the little princes hadn't got hurt. But that time, they were alone with no one near for miles in that romantic place. The sand was almost orange and so fine. Between the rocks and the sea, the smooth beach extended for like two hundred meters and it was closed between two other higher reefs. They dismounted and Cersei tied up the horse; of course, she was scared, in a tiny corner inside her but if her brother had dared so much and taken so many risks, even for her, obviously he should have been aware of what he was doing. Sometimes he was very careless, sometimes even stupid when it was about showing bravery but he could never ever imperil his sister. Once she had barely cut while they were dining and he got so afraid and considerate she had thought he had got mad. Being a princess was wonderful and, oh gods, if Cersei didn't love it, but sometimes it could just feel like being in a cage. Besides, they had by then understood that they could never be together like they had dreamt just because they were the great Lannister heirs and now only the smallest reminder of that made them feel very bad. "Cersei! Come, the water is so warm" he was already running towards the shore and for a while Cersei just stared at him with a little smile hoping that her brother could stay forever the same, that little golden boy she loved so much. But it was very hot and she soon started taking off her clothes and running towards him.

"Oh gods, you lied, it's freezing".

She had dived in very confidently just to find out it wasn't what she really expected.

"What are you talking about? It's perfect!"

It was almost midday, still the water was very cold but he was so excited that he didn't even mind it. He was wallowing like a child and Cersei quickly reached him in the open sea. They were both excellent swimmers as they lived there.

"Try to catch me" Cersei dared him.

"Are you tilting me? Really? You don't know who I am"

Cersei laughed: "Uhh, you're the great Jaime Lannister, I'm terrified"

She started swimming away and he just took an instant to admire her astonishing beauty: she was naked as the day she was born, they were born, and her perfect body looked like the Maid's one, her green eyes reflected the sun light which was reflected in the water and it made them even greener, and also their very long hair was straight now and darker. She was gorgeous; but she was going very far and he had better start swimming. When she got tired, far away from her brother, she just stopped and began thinking how wonderful he was with all his muscles and golden hair. But what Cersei had always found the best in him was the perfection of the features of his face: she had never seen someone whose face was so well-shaped, so stunningly measured and symmetric, so harmonious and sweet. So much alike her own. With the others, Jaime was sometimes able to be even as cruel as she was, but with her, he was the kindest person ever. Maybe, one day she would like to see her brother taking her strongly and violent, and it would be fantastic because not even for a single second of her life, she would ever think he could hurt her. It would be such a funny thing, she thought, as they were both kind of really wicked ones. But they were Lannister and everyone who wasn't them was an enemy. Everyone: maybe even their Lannister father. They were loyal only to each other; they had never listened to anyone but one another. They just lived like they were the only ones who mattered while the rest of the world could burn to the ground and they wouldn't mind it as long as they were together and safe. As Jaime once said, to Cersei he was the very only one in the world and so was her for him.

Anyway, Jaime had almost reached her and seen that she was shivering, so he stopped and said: "Ok, you won. You are a better Tully than I am".

Cersei answered: "Shut up. I'm a lioness. Just and only."

"Show it to me" said Jaime before taking her and uplifting her just to let her fall in the water again:

"Jaime, I hate you!" pretending to be offended.

He smiled and got closer. "Sorry, sweet sister. You know I love you".

He hugged her and kissed her softly. She responded to the kiss but when she was certain Jaime couldn't expect it, she began to splash him. They stopped just when they were both exhausted and their skin had been wrinkled for a long while. They had been playing like kids for hours until they got they needed to warm and to feed themselves.

"Let's come out, please" Cersei begged Jaime, beating her teeth: "I'm starving".

From the baggage on the saddle, Jaime took some fruit, honey and bread and came back to Cersei near the shore. They had just their underwear because of the temperature. Cersei bit a peach hungrily and all the juice dripped from an angle of the mouth. Jaime had never seen her less elegant, yet she always conserved her innate royalty.

"Look at you, one day outside your golden castle and you're just like any other smallfolk girl".

She answered careless: "You shut up".

"Aye, but think about it for a moment, what if we were born children to some kind farmer or servant?"

A chill shook Cersei from head to heels: "Don't ever talk about it! Do you know what they are good for? Butchery meat for armies and whores for soldiers. That's all. They live in the fear of some lord's fury unless they find themselves so lucky to be never on anybody's path."

But Jaime didn't mean to be that serious; he was dreaming just some kind of teenagers' dream: "Yet we could live together like we would like and nobody would care if we married. Yet we would be free, truly free. Every day like this".

"You're such a fool, brother. Neither love nor freedom makes a man free. Power and money do and casually we have both;" she went to sit opposite to him and started touching Jaime: "Oh, you fool, beautiful golden fool" and he started unlace her bodice: "The time will come, I promise you, when we will rule all these bloody kingdoms, together, you and me, and everybody shall kneel before us" she moved and held high his chin in her right hand with a quick gesture: "All Westeros shall kneel before _you_."

And while they were kissing, they couldn't know how much she had been right. That time would come but not until twenty years had passed. It would have come after the war, after the Kingslayer's day, after Robert Baratheon and his death, after their children's births, after another war and other loss and other deaths, even their firstborn's and their father's ones. Then time would have come, swift yet quiet, and they may even have not realized it, but for that second, after all the pain and before as much other, they had been the true king and queen of Seven Kingdoms. Destiny is not kind or just, but for once, perhaps it had been to them. For almost five seconds. Still, they were too young to know all of that and even more innocent to deserve it yet.

They made love twice until the sunrise, when they realized they needed to find somewhere to sleep as it was too late to come back to the castle. They knew a cave among the cliffs and they had enough plaids and wine to spend a wonderful night enjoying the breathtaking view of the little bay. They were hugging near the fire Jaime had lighted up, just talking and drinking and kissing without doing nothing else and being perfectly happy with that.

"This would be enough for all my life, you know, just you and me and nothing else. You will forever be everything I truly need and want."

But Cersei didn't seem to agree so much and maybe, for the first time in her life, she was not so close to her brother and that sounded scary and terrible to her but she needed a moment alone in her mind to think about what he had just said. Alone. Something she wasn't very often. They used to share every weird thoughts but most important, everything that scared them. They had always shared every fear because if the fear was in one of them, the courage and the strength to fight against it was in both. But that time, she didn't feel the same as Jaime because she felt like she really needed something, like to survive, she thought she couldn't live without power and ambition; that was part of her. And of course part of Jaime, too, but for him, nothing was worth even a look compared to Cersei: he would really love to give up everything else, had it meant some kind of difference but as long as it didn't, he just enjoyed it.

And while she was thinking staring at the flames, he recalled her outside her mind: "What's wrong?"

Now she was staring at him like it was the first she had seen him. He was magnificent but to her he was something different: to her, he was perfect. And enough, she guessed. She just kissed him as she used when she wanted to tell him something without useless words.

Just a quick soft one on the lips and then he whispered: "Oh, do you think it's enough?"

Now, she truly believed that and after a short while she said:

"Yes, I do".

She had chosen him even though nobody knew, but after some months or maybe even sooner, Cersei didn't remember it anymore, but for that night she wanted to believe in love. She wanted to be able to dream as he was.

"Yes, you're enough, too."

He smiled, she smiled and they, for once, fell asleep happy and not worried about the tomorrow. But the tomorrow came anyway. The sunlight woke Cersei but she didn't find Jaime next to her. She went out the cave and saw Jaime looking for something near the shore. He was looking for that shell. It was huge and pearl white. It was a fantastic one: it was a memory of their best simple day. A day outside the world. It was a memory of the love they had made, of their smiles, of their happy eyes but most of all of their dreams. They decided to forget their way home, every step of their horse meant something to lose, something to leave behind, a whole life to be forgotten. So that shell meant all of that. And she smiled thinking about it again after all that time. She dreamt about that life again and thought of what it had actually been. Eventually they had had some of that, they could have fucked almost whenever they wanted to and they had also had three children. Eventually they had been together despite of their father and everyone else. And in the very moment she was about to remember that Jaime was not with her right there, she heard a whisper calling her name from her back. She knew: everything, immediately. And she though that all of that was becoming reality. She knew. And she turned knowing exactly what she would see. But she saw something else. The golden boy wasn't there anymore. She wasn't loved by that boy anymore. Something else took his place and she was still loved but the person didn't want that imaginary life anymore. He was missing her and craving her all the same. But in a while, in a glance she understood that sooner or later even Jaime would realize it. She hid that thought in a corner of her mind, yet she knew to have lost that boy and that it had been her fault. So she looked at the shell again and she sheltered in it as it was a haven and for five seconds that was their life. And she dreamt to be happy with Jaime once more.


End file.
